Bugingo’s fictitious assassination movie titled “Mukubile Mukama Engalo Ezamanyi”

By Senoga Michael

Writing a script for an assassination movie is no easy task especially if the person directing the movie is also the producer, the director of a photographer and the main character. Matters are made worse if that movie requires one of the backup characters to die as a bodyguard. To produce such a movie requires a trained, tested and trusted character to make every scene in the movie appear real. This calls for additional and constant rehearsals.

Being an assassination movie, it is obvious guns and bullets would be involved. With your permission, we shall “shoot” this movie at Buwalakata road near Namungoona during off peak hours to avoid uninvited crowds with personal cameras. The only items on location will be a loaded Pistol and a motor vehicle, preferably one with personalized number plates.

Only the main character who also triples as the producer, director and cameraman with a body guard will be allowed at the assassination scene. The other temporary crew will be the assassins themselves who will ride on a motor cycle without being detected. Their duty will be to shoot randomly and take off without being seen. The car must be left in a motorable state for other uses and later removed from the scene. After the shooting, everything must be disguised.

The assassins must ensure that all the bullets penetrate only the car glass on the left side so that the main character in the driver’s seat is not affected. The bullets must not break or cause severe damage to the glass and must not create holes in the metallic part of the left door. The bodyguard must take all the bullets allowing only minor scratches on the shoulder and the back of the main character to show the public how brave and loyal the bodyguard was.

The main character must ensure that all the bullet cartridges from the crime scene, those found inside the car as well bullets found inside the body of the personal bodyguard are left intact to help the ballistic and forensic experts establish the kind of firearm used, to whom the firearm was registered, distance at which the bullets were shot and the shooting angles.

The assassins must ensure that they take off even before ensuring that their mission is accomplished to avoid being detected or followed. The Holy Spirit is invited to talk to only the main character advising him to hide under the steering wheel. With the death of the body guard, only the main character will be the key witness to what transpired. When the assassins leave, the film actor will also attempt to give a chase and thereafter drive himself to a medical facility of his choice with the remains of his body guard in the car.

While at the medical facility, no hospital worker or even a security guard shall be allowed to take pictures of the car. The lifeless remains of the deceased body guard shall swiftly be removed from the vehicle before it is made to disappear while the main character shall be admitted for 10 minutes and later discharged with a small plaster on his hand. The main character is free to show his visitors bandages on his back and is also free to call the bandages bullet wounds.

To be able to shoot this kind of movie, a good producer must begin by crafting ways of convincing the-would be viewers that the movie is not acted but real. So how does one ensure that the main character does not die before the movie ends? If this happens, the producer must come up with another actor to play the leading role. Otherwise the movie will end prematurely leaving the viewers disgruntled and asking questions.

So our script begins with a film star who owns a huge chunk of slum land near the city in his personal names but bought using money collected by the poor. He uses the word of his “god” to extort money from those who visit his business empire looking for solutions to their problems. The followers listen to this film actor religious hoping to hear something encouraging in a country like Uganda where many have lost hope in worldly things.

When the main character that many call a pastor steps on stage, he spends more time making jokes and praising his newfound “Juliet” to the amusement of the listeners. Before long, the service ends without making any reference to the bible. The huge desperate following ends up solving the problems of the film actor before walking back home hungry and empty handed.

For a long time, this film actor has been at loggerheads with some of the film actors in his neighborhood. He also uses the same platform to attack his own enemies and those of his friends, demeans them and makes them look irrelevant and inconsequential. Does he even care to know if some of his followers have a contrary thinking? Such a film actor would have a reason to have a highly trained body guard. Other film actors plying their work in none violent movies should not worry, not even the ADF or the cowardly homosexuals can harm them.

When such a film actor feels he has stepped on many toes, he fears everybody, even his own shadow. It is one thing to step on someone’s toes; it is another to avoid their wrath. You might have hurt some people unknowingly and you might think they have forgotten and forgiven. You assume they have moved on with their lives. However, it is better to watch your back because they can strike any time. It might not be them to do the dirty job but a hired assassin.

A good assassin in an assassination movie is not your ordinary killer. For a film actor in our movie to say an attempt was made and missed in a fallacy. Most of the assassins are precise and know the consequences of missing their target. They do not allow distractions to derail them. When they mark you, you have no choice but to expect the unexpected at any time anywhere.

Assassins usually know what they want and they prepare the strategies and formula that they believe works for them effectively. They do not take chances because of the nature of their training and experiences. Losing their target is not an option. They thus plan, strategize, and execute with preciseness, they are not predictable. They have one universal motto of, ‘die or I die.’ They can lay down their lives to achieve their aims.

While rehearsing how to dodge their attack, try to seek guidance from those who have been at a battle field or those who have undergone aggressive military training. Rubbing shoulders with those with some basic information is not good enough. Sometimes there is a need to look at footage from previous real life assassination scenes such as the one of the late Sheikh Bahiga, Major Kigundu, Affande Kawesi, Joan Kagezi, Hon. Abiriga, Affande Kirumira and Isma Olaxes Gen. Katumba Wamala among others.

In these real life scenes, you will realise that there was accounts of eye witnesses who saw what happened. You will also realise there would be videos of the victims and the bullet riddled motor vehicle clearly showing the holes created by the bullets into the motor vehicle at the scene.

In a hit of passion, never attempt to follow the assailants as they could have a reason to shower you with more bullets. It is rare in life that a person can encounter such a life threatening incidents and picks the courage to drive the same target motor vehicle towards armed assailants especially after your protector, call him the body guard has been shot and is either dead or unconscious. Even a general who was shot in similar circumstances could not point a finger at the assailants or move his car from the scene. Is it not strange that a civilian could defy the odds.

Lastly, let our latest film actor give an accurate account of what transpired. Telling those who believe in your lies that you went to Mulago for treatment but refuse to disclose the ward or room number in which you were admitted, which doctors attended to you and how you managed to leave hospital after you were discharged. Which kind of injuries did you sustain and why they discharged you hurriedly. Something is simply not adding up.

Your movie fell short of the basic ethics of a movie. Ugandans are wondering if you actually knew what you were doing or you were rehearsing a hard scene. You had a chance to clean up your dirt during the burial of the innocent body guard but went defensive. Truth be told, this particular film actor was and is not a victim of hate by those who want a change of government, he was simply acting in a movie with a bad script where he himself was the director of photography, producer and also proceeded to edit the film and launched it.

Instead of praising God who allegedly saved him, this film actor went on rampage at the burial praising the current government and how it will stay in power forever. He is indirectly trying to associate his alleged assassination attempt on the opposition. If his desire is to also get a lead car like some other film actor with a church in a Rubaga wetland, now is the time to receive VIP treatment. It appears if I may say that the soldier could have died under different circumstances.

That picture that was outed by the police showing a partial left side of a prado whose number plate could not be seen begs more questions than answers. Those look more of slits akin holes created by a drill and not bullets. Was it necessary to hide the exhibit for more than two days? With all these cover up, this film actor will be in church Sunday praising his party and creating an impression that he was saved by God. The family of the dead soldier needs to demand justice, giving them money and scholarships will not solve the puzzle.

The writer is a Pan-Africanist, critical thinker and human rights activist.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of DailyExpress or its partners.