Sex Talk: By all means, mingle!

I love the Easter weekend because it is long and predictable; it will always be a weekend – Friday to Monday – come rain or shine.

So, you can plan it in advance and use it to refuel your life and relationship. There are ideas that do not involve a lot of money, yet are very rewarding in terms of how much you get done, as a couple but also as a family.

One Easter weekend a couple invited several of us to their farm home not far from Bweyogerere and it is still one of the more memorable and relaxing trips I have ever made.

I could not believe I was just a few kilometres outside Kampala, yet there we were, walking through the cool orchards and eating fresh guavas by day, barbequing in the evenings and getting me-time or couple-time later, depending on how one had showed up.

When we left on Monday evening, we had not spent much in terms of cash, but couples that had arrived in their cars looking sulky and gloomy left looking all loved up and rejuvenated.

Easter is around the corner; purpose to do something different beyond going to church and cooking a feast at home.

If your marriage is in a good place, then think about sowing that seed in struggling couples by hosting them in your home – assuming space and economics permit. Sometimes all we need is to get away from the daily grind and stresses.

A change in scenery can be all that one couple’s sex life needs – not that they have to ‘get jiggy with it’ in your home. But when they leave, you will hear the testimonies.

Some couples just need someone to talk to other than each other. A marriage can become so toxic that even going away just the two of you (or with the children) will not change much. You will get to a beautiful safari lodge and simply make each other more miserable with every bird call and lion’s roar.

“I once took my family to a posh riverside campsite in Kenya, but no sooner had we placed our orders than madam started accusing me of looking at the waitress’ buttocks with lustful eyes!” one husband shared why a private getaway does not always work when the marriage is already in a bad place.

“The accusation escalated to a big quarrel as our children and other patrons watched and we ended up making the long trip back home without even pitching our tents, because the weekend could not be salvaged.”

In such cases, hanging out with other couples can do the trick. You get to see your marriage from a third party lens and you can even talk and counsel one another as the relaxing weekend goes by. That could be all that your sex life needs to come back to life and in turn breathe some excitement into your marriage.

Don’t keep to yourselves this Easter weekend; spend time in good company and it will give your relationship better perspective when you leave. Sometimes what you deem huge, insurmountable problems pale when you hear other couples’ experiences.

“I almost left my husband and children for a fresh start in Canada, because I was fed up of him not giving me any money just because I had a good job. He paid for everything – school fees, wardrobes, food, medical bills – but never gave me cash or kameeza money, and we had some of our most bitter fights over that,” a Kampala wife shared.

“Then one day I went on a girls’ trip with my married friends and I was shocked that some of their husbands gave them Shs 50,000 kameeza money weekly, but that was expected to cover water and electricity bills, food, school fees, name it…just because the wives worked!”

The same wife was also ‘running’ away to Canada because her husband expected to make love at least thrice a week, until she heard the agony in some of the wives’ voices, as they talked about being sexually rejected by their own husbands.

“I went home with renewed respect for my man and that girls trip saved my marriage.”

Have a happy Easter weekend! Remember, you don’t have to be home alone.